WHAT IS MUM GUILT AND HOW YOU CAN OVERCOME IT

You lost your cool with your toddler who’s refusing their vegetables (again) and seems to think chips and hot dogs are at the base of the food pyramid. Your baby has a forehead bruise, even though you only turned your back for a minute. Your boss is on your case … again … because you had to take even more time off with a sick kid. Oh, and your relationship with your partner? More like roommates these days.

And there it is. The mom guilt. The incessant voice in the back of your head saying you’re doing it wrong. That you’re not the parent, the partner, the professional you should be. You’re supposed to be “having it all” over here. And instead, you’re scrambling on the daily, just trying to make sure the kids are fed, the laundry is done, your work is at least passable and your relationship doesn’t completely lose its spark.

Your own needs? Pushed to the end of the list. 

You’re not alone. 

It’s commonly called “mom guilt” because in our culture, it’s often assumed that moms bear the burden of juggling work life and parenting. But in reality, the guilt that comes with making seemingly impossible choices between competing demands can happen to any parent or caregiver.

As much as motherhood is an incredible journey filled with boundless love and joy, let’s be real: it can also come with a heavy dose of mum guilt. And the nagging feeling that we’re not doing enough or not measuring up to some imaginary ideal can weigh heavily on our hearts. However, it’s time to put an end to this self-doubt and embrace a more compassionate and nurturing approach to parenting.

Understanding the Weight of Mum Guilt

Mum guilt is that voice in our heads that tells us we’re falling short, that we should be doing more, and that we’re not living up to some unattainable standard. It stems from the immense love we have for our children and our desire to be the best possible mothers for them. Other sources of mum guilt can also include living up to unrealistic societal expectations, comparison to other parents, self-imposed pressure to be a perfect mother, and the constant juggling act between personal and professional life. But here’s the truth: you are already an amazing mom, doing the best you can with the resources and circumstances you have.

1. Embrace Self-Compassion

The first step in navigating mum guilt is to show yourself some much-needed self-compassion. Remember, you are human, and it’s perfectly normal to have moments of imperfection. Here’s how you can practice self-compassion:

• Acknowledge your efforts: Recognize the love and dedication you pour into your children’s lives. Celebrate the small victories and remind yourself that your best is more than enough.
• Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer to your loved ones. Replace self-criticism with self-encouragement and gentle reminders that you are doing your best.
• Let go of perfection: Perfection is an illusion. Embrace the beauty of imperfection and understand that your children benefit from experiencing your love and presence, rather than a flawless version of you.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s an essential part of being a good mother. When you prioritize self-care, you refuel your energy and create a positive ripple effect on your parenting. Consider these self-care practices:

• Carve out “me” time: Set aside dedicated moments each day to indulge in activities that bring you joy. It could be reading a book, taking a relaxing bath, practicing yoga, or simply savoring a cup of tea in peace.
• Seek support: Reach out to your support network, whether it’s your partner, family, or friends. Share your challenges and concerns, and allow them to provide the support and understanding you need.
• Practice saying no: It’s okay to set boundaries and say no to additional commitments or tasks that overwhelm you. Learn to prioritize your well-being and delegate responsibilities when possible.

3. Connect with Fellow Mothers

Navigating mum guilt becomes easier when we realize that we’re not alone in our struggles. Connecting with other mothers who understand your journey can provide a sense of camaraderie and support. Try these approaches:

• Join parenting communities: Participate in local parenting groups, online forums, or social media communities where you can share experiences, ask questions, and receive advice from like-minded mothers.
• Attend parenting workshops or classes: Engaging in workshops or classes not only equips you with valuable parenting knowledge but also offers opportunities to connect with other moms facing similar challenges.
• Foster friendships: Cultivate friendships with other mothers in your community or your child’s school. Meeting for coffee, playdates, or even virtual catch-ups can help you build a network of support and understanding.

4. Challenging Unrealistic Expectations:

Society often sets unrealistic standards for mothers, and trying to meet these expectations can contribute to mum guilt. It’s important to challenge these unrealistic beliefs and redefine what it means to be a good parent. Here are some strategies to help you overcome these expectations:

• Focus on your strengths: Recognize and appreciate your unique qualities as a mother. Celebrate the things you do well and acknowledge that you are doing your best.

• Embrace imperfections: Accept that making mistakes is a part of parenting, and it’s okay to have imperfect moments. Remember, your love, care, and presence matter more than being flawless.

• Avoid comparisons: Resist the urge to compare yourself to other moms. Every family has its own dynamics, challenges, and strengths. Instead, focus on your own journey and the progress you’re making.

• Let go of guilt: Understand that guilt does not serve any constructive purpose. Remind yourself that you are doing your best and that your child benefits from a happy, well-rounded parent.

Conclusion:

Mum guilt may be an ever-present companion, but it doesn’t have to define your journey as a mother. By practicing self-compassion, prioritizing self-care, connecting with other moms, and challenging unrealistic expectations you can navigate through mum guilt with grace and confidence. Remember, you are doing an incredible job, and your love and presence make a world of difference to your children. Embrace the imperfect, cherish the joyful moments, and nurture yourself along the way. You’ve got this, Mum!